Ur candle

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. Let ur candle burn bright.

A calm sea

A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor.

Ability takes u 2 the top

Ability can take u 2 the top but it takes character 2 keep u there.

I want a dog for Christmas

Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas? No, you can have turkey like everyone else.

What do give train driver 4 Xmas

What do u give a train driver 4 Xmas? Platform shoes!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? He had no body to go with!

Knock Knock Who's There ?

Knock Knock Who's there?
Donut!
Donut who?
Donut open till Christmas!

Beautiful relationship

A beautiful relationship does not depend upon how good we understand someone but on how well we avoid misunderstandings.

Not enuf 4 both

God gave man a willy and a brain, but unfortunately not enuf blood 2 to run both at the same time.

I want to die peacefully

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my old uncle, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

Last nite i wanted u

last nite i wantd u. needed u so badly dat it hurt. wantd 2 taste u. i wantd u in me so u cud work ur magic on me... but i couldnt find u. u stupid... PARACETAMOL!

Abbreviation

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Archeologist is best husband

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. ~ Agatha Christie

Kiss wife goodbye

90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.

4given

3 nails + 1 cross = 4 given

The more sympathy you give

The more sympathy you give, the less you need. ~ Malcolm S Forbes

Showing off

God was just showing off when he created you.

U made me smile

U made me smile so wide... I can eat a banana sideways.

Intel inside

Intel inside... fool outside.

Recent survey

According to a recent survey, 51% of the people are in the majority.

Here and there

What is the difference between here and there?
The letter “t”.

Skin crawl

if u've felt ur heart stall
and felt ur skin crawl
u've discovered that luv
has no end @ all

Computer beat me at chess once

A computer beat me at chess once.
But it was no match at kick boxing.

We'll look back at this

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Crazy world

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer a black guy and the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese. - Chris Rock

Where to get money

Where can you always find money when you look for it? In the dictionary.