Exercise and chocolate

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Life's lemons

When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!

Sterilized needles

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Hearing

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

A PC is almost human

A PC is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another PCs.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~ Mark Twain

A bicycle

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired.

35 is when

35 is when u finally get ur head together & ur body starts falling apart. ~ Caryn Leschen

Copycat

Teacher: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Sharpest needles

What kinda pine has the sharpest needles? Porcupine.

Make up ur mind

Make up ur mind 2 b happy. Find pleasure in simple things.

Twice as fast

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when ur after it as when ur in it.

Imaginary things

Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.

Relationship control

Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least.

B gr8

Don't let others set ur standard. B urself. B gr8.

20 years from now

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. ~ Mark Twain

A budget

A budget is something we go without to stay within.